Breakups are undeniably hard, painful and disrupting. Regardless of your previous relationship arrangements (married or not), if you were in a committed romantic relationship, you will definitely suffer the consequences of its termination.
Some may find themselves with more on their plate than others, nonetheless, we all share the fact that there is going to be some degree of change after the end of a relationship, at times affecting families as well as friends that were once shared with exes.
Therefore not only you have to deal with the heartbreak you also have to find ways to adapt to your new set of circumstances.
Sometimes that means anything from finding a job, new friends to finding a new sense of self – that is never easy and doesn’t happen overnight, it takes time and each one will adapt to these changes in their own time, however, there are things you can do to help boost this recovery period.
To do List Diary
Some find it very difficult to create a new direction and follow it, some because of lacking motivation at the time or fear of this new beginning, to mention a few reasons, which are understandable, nevertheless, sometimes all it takes to help you find that guidance is to create a way to be your own guide!
Something as simple as a Diary where you can write a To Do List can help you create this new direction of what tasks to achieve and actually follow it with checklists.
Any Diary would do, just bear in mind that you need to be disciplined to create a daily regime that you can actually realise.
Also, if there is any task that you can’t complete I recommend you either write it down for the following day(s) or if is something you no longer need doing then write next to it precisely that and if it helps maybe also write why you haven’t completed that task, because these lists can motivate you by providing you with a sense of accomplishment and for that it is important that you feel you have achieved something everyday and when you don’t you know was for a good reason.
M&P (Mastery and Pleasure exercise)
After a broken relationship you are more likely to experience prolonged sadness that almost takes over every other aspect of life…
What this exercise can do for you is to focus on activities that not only boost your self-esteem, which also improve your mood, but also these activities help you regain taste for life, giving you good reasons as to why and how life can be enjoyable again. All you have to do is try!
Here’s how it works:
Pleasure activities are enjoyable and relaxing ones which help you to de-stress and typically do not involve performing or being evaluated.
These can be individual pleasure activities like meditation, listening to music, watching a movie or reading a book. Pleasure activities can also include social interaction such as having coffee with a friend or going to a movie with a group.
Mastery activities are those which entail performance of a task which requires the use of your skills and talents.
Common mastery activities are physical exercise, individual and team sports, singing and playing a musical instrument, acting, dancing for performance, carpentry and working on cars to name just a few.
Mastery activities may be enjoyable but they often require effort and concentration along with performance and evaluation elements. As such, they are typically less relaxing than pleasure activities.
Their main benefit is the boost of self-esteem you derive from working towards a goal and accomplishing it. They allow you to feel good about yourself while you apply your talents and skills to pursuits you find stimulating and challenging.
Balancing your spare time activities between pleasure and mastery is the best recipe to follow.
Therefore I recommend that you consider pleasure and mastery activities in your schedule so that you can look forward to having good moods and thinking positively about yourself.
Rate your accomplishments and enjoyment from 0 – not at all, to 10 – great accomplishment / great enjoyment.
Mastery activities help you to have your self-esteem in a good place while adding passion and excitement to your routine. Pleasure activities give you a chance to enjoy yourself and recharge your physical, cognitive and emotional batteries.
These tools can help make good progress in your breakup recovery process and I sincerely hope you find some comfort in them.
Wishing you a kind recovery.