If you are reading this article it’s likely you’re going through a breakup and my heart goes out to you in these painful times.
This is another one of those frequent questions about breakups and I have given a slight hint of tips on a previous article (How long does it take to get over a Breakup), which is another prominent question posed by so many who feel heartbroken. Needless to say how devastating breakups can be, if you are reading this you probably know this too well, but before we move on to actual tips on how to get over a breakup, it is important to understand what you are feeling right now.
So, before we can move on to somewhere somewhat better, we need to understand where we are coming from.
Our starting point is the present, what we are actually living, feeling, thinking and what we are doing can relieve or aggravate our situation. Here are three tips that hopefully you will find helpful in alleviating your Breakup suffering:
Acknowledge your emotions
Accept that breakups are hard and as a result, you are allowed to feel whatever there is to feel (sadness, anxiety, loneliness, rejection, disappointment, etc.) Acknowledge your feelings instead of running away from them.
I understand this is easier said than done, as most of us are quite good at avoiding and distracting ourselves from what we don’t want to deal with, however, the more we try to avoid our feelings the more prominent they become. I believe this question of ‘How to get over a breakup’ is linked to a previous article I wrote on ‘How long does it take to get over a breakup’, because we are in so much emotional pain that we tend to only focus on when is this going to end (thinking more in terms of: how long does this take to be over with), which in a way is a form of avoiding what we are going through right now.
Therefore, I recommend you try to focus on the right now and accept your pain, without judgement, as part of the recovery process. And how can you do that? You can acknowledge your feelings by talking to a close friend, someone who will listen with empathy, sincere conversations with people we trust help us understand how we feel.
Also, you can create an emotional journal if you feel that helps, writing about our emotions can help us keep them real and in check and has helped many, but everyone is different, you might give it a try and see if it helps you connect with your feelings. In addition, you can try practicing Mindfulness (like mindful walking, self-compassion mindfulness, etc.; you can try watching videos of nature; pause sometime to listen to your favourite music, etc. – when practicing mindfulness do it with the dedication it requires by being fully in the present moment – you can search for these practices or you can check my website for more tips/techniques).
Importantly, give yourself space and time to grieve the loss of your relationship, allow yourself moments to express your feelings, if you want to cry, don’t hesitate to do so in those moments – it’s perfectly okay. Practicing being fully present does help us accept our feelings including the unpleasant ones that are of equal importance.
Please note that, even though it is important to recognise our emotions, it is also vital to remember that our feelings aren’t fixed – they change, therefore, you don’t necessarily have to suffer from this breakup forever.
Organise a routine
Writing down a routine is not only beneficial for when our life changes and you are faced with a new set of tasks/routines, but also to keep you motivated in sticking to your daily plans.
Going through a breakup can include so many setbacks and have so many ramifications that it is only natural that we sometimes lose track of things that we really want to do or are important to us, we may lose motivation…
So, I encourage you to write a daily plan of your day and to create a checklist where you can see your progress at the end of each day – and as small as this seems, every little achievement is still an achievement and is definitely something to be proud of, worth celebrating!
Little steps like these and these daily/weekly achievements are positive reminders that you are doing your best and little by little every day you are getting through this ordeal, which in turn help boost your confidence.
When we are going through a breakup, all our emotions automatically connect us to the ex-partner, it is understandable as a breakup does not involve ourselves alone.
Furthermore, if you are going through a split up from a long-term relationship, such as a divorce, you are definitely dealing with a wide range of ramifications and your focus may be more on your ex than you want to. Practicing self-care helps you refocus your energy and attention towards yourself.
How can you practice self-care? You can make time in your week for activities/tasks that you enjoy, like start reading a book you always wanted; maybe start practicing a sport you like or join in a local gym; consider volunteering at a local charity, doing something for others can be very beneficial for all involved including yourself; spend more time with closed friends, those who are considerate of your circumstances, etc.
Look for healthy ways to awaken your curiosities/ interests and keep doing more of those, small changes can make a huge difference. Practicing self-care not only refocuses your attention from your ex onto yourself, but it can also help you look after your needs and boost your self-esteem.
Most importantly treat yourself with kindness, the same kindness you would give a close friend.
Breakups are tough already, don’t beat yourself up because you are suffering, or because you believe the recovery process is taking too long, be the friend you most need right now and instead of judging your experience, try being gentle and compassionate towards how you perceive yourself and your circumstances.
These are just a few tips on how to get over a breakup, you can develop further your own tools towards recovery. Understand that you have more resources than you realise, you can get through this.
Wishing you a kind recovery.